New Study Finds Rocket-Powered Roller Skates Still Fastest Way To Commute To Job As Eccentric InventorRESTON, VA—Documenting how spiraling loop-de-loops through traffic help workers speed past rush-hour bottlenecks, a study published Thursday in the Journal Of Transportation Engineering found that rocket-powered roller skates were still the fastest…
LocalSubway Manager Shows New Hire How To Properly Soak Bread In Mop WaterLEBANON, IN—Noting that the sandwich-making technique was simple but might take a few tries to master, local Subway manager Keith Unger showed a new hire Tuesday how to properly soak bread in mop water. “So first things first: You’re going to want…
LocalAbsent-Minded Man Can’t Remember Why He Slathered His Nude Body In Pork Fat And Lit Himself On Fire
PoliticsBiden: ‘Israel Has An Obligation Not To Harm My Reelection Chances’WASHINGTON—Responding to fallout from the Israeli military’s killing of seven World Central Kitchen aid workers in Gaza, President Biden made an address Thursday asserting that Israel had an obligation not to harm his reelection chances. “Let me be…
Breaking NewsExcavation Of Ancient Pompeii Kitchen Unearths Fully Intact ‘Leave The Gun, Take The Cannoli’ Tea Towel
EntertainmentAaron Taylor-Johnson Wondering If Buying Tuxedo More Economical In Long Run Than Renting One For Each ‘Bond’ Film